I
SPY
Oh wouldn't
it be wonderful
To be
a government spy?
To carry
on a secret life
Live
dangerously or die
Oh wouldn't
it be awful
To be
a government spy?
To often
leave your family
And
tell them all a lie
Oh wouldn't
it be exciting
To be
a government spy?
To carry
out surveillance
With
a kind of xray eye
Oh wouldn't
it be disgusting
To be
a government spy?
To poke
around in rubbish bins
In people's
lives to pry
Oh wouldn't
it be fabulous
To be
a government spy?
To pass
on information
Crack
codes that tell you why
Oh wouldn't
it be alarming
To be
a government spy?
To find
democracy is futile
And
anarchy is nigh
Oh wouldn't
it be fantastic
To be
a government spy?
To be
a martial arts expert
And
make the baddies cry
Oh wouldn't
it be ghastly
To be
a government spy?
To be
a schitzophrenic
Instead
of simply I?
TURNING
A TRICK
I've
always envied that James Bond
And
not because of the kicks
I'd
love to get my hands on some
Fancy
spy type tricks
SYNONYM
CONFUSION
I'm feeling so awed, yes I'm really floored
Saw a pussy cat walk without paws
The sight I abhored, the fact I applaud
But it walked so where are the flaws?
PEACE
AND QUIET
Of offspring,
old folks used to say
"They
should be seen and not heard"
That
would be unnatural play-
With
kids not saying a word
But let's
follow that thought a while
Imagine
the quiet ! Absurd ?
Let's
start a new playing style
Where
mime conveys meaning ('though blurred)
After
all, most children don't listen
To whatever
the others referred
So why
allow e'n a suspicion
Of sound
from any young nerd?
Now,
how do you like my idea?
Is this
a play-method preferred?
It's
a castle out of reach in the air
If only
dreams really occurred !
CLEO
and MARK ANTHONY
"Friends,
Romans, and countrymen,
lend me your ears" said Mark
The
people took him literally-
lopped ears off for a lark
A
sackful had Mark Anthony,
of ears lent to him
(Mike
Tyson would've loved to,
indulge his tasteless whim)
But the
Roman ears were meant for,
a milk-soaked, dark-haired queen
She,
from the land of pyramids,
Cleopatra's who I mean
A fairer
pharoah there was not,
unblonde and yet dizzy
A roll
of carpet was unwound,
she caused a real tizzy
Cleopatra
lay there starkers,
exotic and unwrapped
A gift
in exchange for Egypt,
'cos
Caesar had them trapped
Things
didn't go as planned though,
Mark Ant'ny saw her first
And
when Cleo saw those ears,
her heart did almost burst
Crippled
by lusty emotion,
they both went all weak-kneed
And
so what became of Egypt?
Another
tale indeed.
CAESAR
DECEASED
The emperor
of ancient Rome,
he was
fatally stabbed
Stuck,
pig-like, in the rotunda,
his
murderer never nabbed
The rumour
was, Brutus did it;
Julius
died,but why?
The
Roman Senate had to know:
hired
a roamin' P.I.
There
was a Mrs Julius,
first
suspect, that's the wife
So the
paid investigator,
asked
her about the knife
Would
she listen, would she answer?
No too
frazzled and stressed out
(She
hadn't tried the rhyming cure,
or she'd
have coped, no doubt)
All the
Private roamin' Eye heard,
was
repeated phrase
She
sounded like a scratched record,
remember
LP days?
Rambling
on how she had warned him,
said
"Julie, please don't go"
"It's
the Ides of March!" she told him,
her
voice all shrill with woe
And why,
you ask, was she worried,
about
that very date?
The
Ides of March had been foretold,
as when
he'd meet his fate
A very
brave courageous man,
big
Julie might have been
But
I suspect he wanted to,
escape
that nagging scene
Big Julius
was out of there,
despite
the crystal ball
Despite
the fortune of the day:
death
would him befall
He heeded
not soothsayers,
nor
heeded he his wife
Ignoring
all portents of doom,
so lost
was Caesar's life
There
is a moral hidden here,
about
the where and when
So friends
and Romans listen well,
hear
me, my countrymen:
If a
girl goes on and on
and
is a nagging pain
Ignoring
her could be your death
(You'd rather to go insane?)
|
DREAM
ON
Science
Fiction is my addiction today
Of all
the stories where my eyes lay
Those
are the ones where I wish to stay
To travel
afar and meet aliens
Pretend
to live inside their skins
To cope
with problems, discover new sins
The best
bit is reading futuristic visions
Of wristwatch
p.c.s, nuclear fissions
And telepathy
and dragony missions
(Oh dear,
that sounds like dragon emissions!)
REDISCOVERY
OF HISTORY
Long
long ago on a sailing ship
Came
James Cook on a business trip
He used
his crew but had no maid
Some
land he sought so he'd be paid
Downunder
went the 'Endeavour'
But
did it sink? Oh no, not ever!
SUPER
MODELS?
Leafing
through glossy lifestyle pages
Glimpsing
houses perfect and ageless
Scanning
beautifully, elegant rooms
Where
someone actually lives, one assumes...
There's
never a mess or an old comfy chair
Everything
shines, polished and bare
The effort
involved to maintain all, pristine
Is overkill,
if you know what I mean
Attempts
to emulate such style
For
more than one is not worthwhile...
Unless
of funds, you've a boundless source
Redecorating
yearly, of course
A VIRTUAL
SPACE ODYSSEY:
Here
commences a tale of adventure in space
Our
hero is rocketing off to some place
And
so that you feel that you know him a bit
I'll
describe his looks and also his wit
He's
short and dumpty and pale of face
-Of
perfect proportion there isn't a trace-
But
what a smile transforms his visage
When
orbiting planets in a rocket so large...
...That
there is room for luxury
(A spa
bath with holders for cups of tea)
His
wit is something best explained
Later,
facing aliens, bravery feigned
And
what is his name this fine young fellow?
Inspired
by his belly, his nickname is JELLO
Jello
and the Flying Saucer
So
Jello took off in a supersonic ship
Towards
the stars in a speed of light trip
He
took his laptop and a long saga-ish book
He
took some kleenex cos he's such a sook
He
took his teabags and powdered milk
He
packed his sleepsak of synthetic silk
The
above were for comfort as you would know
Some
other supplies also had to go:
A
food synthesiser for protein and such
A
hydroponic garden that grew nothing much
(Green
leafy vegies with no taste at all)
He
diverted this system to a shower stall
Jello
prefers pooping pills for his vitamin C
And
if you suspect more, well, don't look at me
You
might have noticed that Jello is clean...
A
clean-freak, you might say but that would be mean
He
does love to ablute in a bubbling spa bath
And
when in the shower, will he sing? No he'll laugh!
A
B.O. conscious fellow, is our hero Jello
On a mystery mission about a costello.*
*
'Costello' : A fellow from another constellation
JELLO'S
EMAIL
>>Entered
a Solar System full of flying saucers
>>Soon
accosted by lisping little law-enforcers
>>These
aliens believed that I was their foe
>>Pint-sized,
they were, like that doll, G.I.Joe
>>Unlike
the toy, tho', these guys could talk
>>But
their words were affected by a tongue with a fork
>>I
translated their language by going online
>>Checked
bookmarks and found a dictionary so fine
>>They
only immobilised my legs and then
>>I
offered them tea, which they call 'sssthlen'
>>They
sucked the tea thru' one side of the tongue
>>Then
counted soap bubbles which we sat among
>>(My
spa bath bubbles had them counting so fast
>>They
put down their stun-guns and I moved at last)
>>Grabbing
those stunners, I pointed them low
>>And
unstunned my legs then aimed at them so...
>>They
scrambled out and boy did they bellow
>>They'll
leave me alone now, or my name's not Jello
>>BTW
I'm outa soap
>>A
zip file of some is what I hope
>>you
can send. Best try converted vox
>>from
some silly young shaver's soap box
SAILING
ON 'THE QUEEN OF THE NILE'
There
came a tall, imposing miss
Aboard
the ship, in search of bliss
Which
meant for her
Sunk
chest treasure
That's
why she gave old crocs a kiss
Old men
are worth their weight in gold
That's
what she said to friends, I'm told
To set
the bait
She'd
fish and wait
And
wear her clothing tight and bold
HEY BIG
SPENDER, SPEND A LOT OF DIMES ON ME...
One passenger
aboard 'The Queen'
Is hardly
ever fully seen
At first
he seemed, well, rather keen
And
his attentions made me preen
He's
hiding round the corner now
Or maybe
sulking on the prow
He rushed
off after I said "Chow-"
"I want
to be a spendthrift Frau"
He wears
dark glasses day and night
And
claimed the moon was so darn bright
That
recognise him I just might
(I assumed
that he was right)
But if
he's famous I'd endure
Since
fame means riches that's for sure
We dated
on a camel tour
But
he 'fell' off in deep manure
His disguise
had lots of chinks
(He
had no interest buying minks)
So I
pushed off around the Sphinx
The
smell of HIS money really stinks
CINDERELLA
WAS RUSHING TO THE LOO
You couldn't
stop? Had things to do?
You
stayed so long there was a queue
Of well-shod
folk waiting for you
And on
emergence...yes, it's true:
You
checked their nikes and reeboks too
Your
high heel wasn't among that crew
For consolation
you made a brew
[A pot
of tea for the ignorant few]
And
dunked a donut for something to chew
And
wore a comfy old slipper in lieu
|