ALLERGY
ALERT
Runny
eyes and runny noses, they are bad
Blocked-up
sinuses are equally as sad
But
to someone not afflicted
Sufferers
just seem addicted
To their
pills and this allergy -Gee!- fad
Some
immune people are so unaware
They
behave as if they really couldn't care
When
their friends and family
Suffer
so from allergy
"The
symptom's in your head" they justly? jeer
ETHNICITY
Well
I am quite a mixture
But
I claim purity
We all
came from cro-magnon
Way
back in history
CARTOONS
Why is it we watch those cartoons?
What is it about those buffoons?
They over-act and they're dumb
But we end up unglum
And we sing or we hum their trite tunes
The characters so often drawn
So simply, the artist we'd scorn
But the hero is still
Somehow able to fill
Our requirements with superfluous brawn
Each evening to armchairs we waddle
A cartoon can't be a role model
So we laugh at a crook
And forget how we look
As we wallow in this wishful twaddle
And what of the great story line?
Any over-used plot will be fine
Retell any tale
Even beyond the pail
To regurgitation we seem to incline
WE CAN'T
ALL BE LEADERS
Sheep
are lovely creatures
We mustn't
underestimate
We all
need our followers
Or how
could we be great?
GIFT
BUYING
Shopping
for gifts in the hot summer glare
There's
so much to do but where to start? Where?
So many
choices but none can compare
With
the ones I imagined I would find there
Do you
have this problem of planning so clear?
Only
to find there's nothing like it or near?
So you
wander around in a daze and in fear
That
you'll never find presents for family this year
And finally
settle, after half an hour's stare
On
something that no one would ever wear
Like
a set of socks in an unmatching pair
Or
somebody's book on some boring career
But I
must stop grizzling and feeling severe
I'll
have a chocolate and sip Christmas 'cheer'
And
listen to Bing Crosby's 'White Christmas' flair
That
ought to banish the blues to the rear
THE EYES
HAVE IT
The eyes
they say
Mirror
the soul
So a
shifty-eyed guy's
On a
criminal roll
And
a teary-eyed gal
Is a
wet-blanket moll
Someone
with a sparkling glint
Is lightning-witted
and droll
But
the person who narrows his eyes
Wishes
you down a deep hole
And
when you get a sideways glance
It better
not be from a troll!
A CHALLENGE
It's
easy to spy a weakness to pry
It's
too easy to fire a shot
For
some, cutting comments are gloved in a sigh
Others
criticize quite a lot
We should
avoid being critics is what I proclaim
Be constructive
with all new ideas
To knock
down what is different is what I call lame
Held
prisoner in the past by fears
We are
what we are 'cos of what we were
And
what those born before us hold dear
This
is quite true for both 'he and her'
But
we can all change if we care
How to
keep what is good while moving forward
Is the
dilemna over which to battle
If ideas
cause change, or it seems they could
Customs
become bones that rattle
TAKE
AWAYS
Ah, take-aways
: any will do
Just
so long as I don't have to...
...Cook
a meal for my hungry crew
Oh, how
I hate peeling and slicing
And
I abhor chopping and dicing
I also
hate frying and grilling
Even
roasting is so very unthrilling
But ready-made
food, yes indeed!
I don't
care about taste when I feed
'Though
I gulp my food down with speed
You
can't accuse me of greed
Eating's
a chore, that's what I say
Eating
food is what keeps me away
From
my pc after work each day
UNLIMITED
USES
Don't
give me a razor
For
my chin or my nape
The
best hair removal
Starts
with duct tape
Stick
it on quickly
Don't
stop to think
Rip
it off even faster :
As quick
as a wink
The tears
in your eyes
And
the blood curdling scream
Will
soon be forgotten
With
anaesthetic cream
No hair-growth
for weeks
No bristles
return
When
you rip out the roots
And
ignore the skin burn
But if
smooth-skinned is how
You
wish to appear
Duct
tape's not the answer :
It removes
skin with the hair !
DUCT TAPE REVERED
Out-dated,
yet it retains a fan
The
bandage still used by a "Man"
Vintage
and almost collectable
Wrappable
armour, tough but flexible
A sliver
of metal that protects
And
has qualities logic rejects
(Being
both silver and yet sensible)
Idolised?
Not incomprehensible !
TRIVIALITIES
Sitting
in an Irish Pub
And
listening to the tune
I soon
block out the piping lilt
Conversation
is a boon
A crowded
house, the voices rise
And
smoke haze fills the air
It's
trivia night, Trivial Pursuit
They
come from far and near
We pay
our fee and get the form
Of course
it's Irish green
Then
lift our glasses, concentrate
On drinks
(answers between)
As rounds
go by our total climbs
Of bottles
and the score
We manage
to outdo the rest
Yes
we'll be back for more
HAIRCUTS
Here's
a tale about my son
Who
grew his hair long, just for fun
It got
longer, with ringlet swirls
(It's
red and tends to make cute curls)
He let
it get down near his chin
It flopped
in his eyes, hid his grin
Because
he couldn't play like that
He went
everywhere in a hat
I tried
to cut a shorter style
But
the result wiped off his smile
We'll
have to pay a professional
And
there my sins, confess, I will
The
hairdresser will say "Tut tut!"
"It
took me years to learn to cut"
A
BRIGHT IDEA
"What's
that creak?" the child cowers
A sheltering pillow, buried for hours
Peek not past the blanket edge
Horror movies all re-dredge
Until "Lightswitch!" a brain empowers
DAZE
OFF
The
long weekend with Monday off
Is almost
here I cheer
Our
Queen's birthday we celebrate
In June
of every year
It helps
us face the winter frosts
As cold
creeps across the land
We need
a day to huddle at home
Better
yet, have winter banned
DAZE OFF - A PETRARCHAN SONNET
A woman who has slaved and sold her soul
Deserves a break, deserves a chance to rest
Some time to sink into a homely nest
A holiday: a working woman's goal
Some days when work's demands have no control
Some days when NOTHING happens would be best
In time all workday pressures I'll divest
And I'll fulfil my other, woman, role
A holiday means time to be alone
To read and write and think all on my own
Recouping strength, regaining energy
Replenishing the soul's vitality
A holiday means rediscovering
The pleasure friends and family can bring
AURAS
An aura
like a bubble
Surrounds
me every day
I can
never shake it
It's
here with me to stay
It senses
someone's presence
When
I am turned away
And
moodiness is shown
In many
shades of grey
It's
made up of electrons
The
scientific say
But
you won't see my aura
Unless
you're kind of fey
WRAP
UP
There
was a young New Zealand chap
Seeking
fame by doing rap
His
rhymes weren't bad
But
what sold the lad
Was his backwards-facing baseball cap
Spenserian Sonnet:
LIKE FATHER LIKE SON
The Christmas season
is a time for love
Forgiveness, understanding
and of peace
As represented in the
snow white dove
Let's open up our hearts
seeking release
At Christmas, time
together should increase
With willingness to
put our family first
So selfishness and
self-seeking then cease
Serenity fills hearts,
in love, immersed
Escape from outside
pressures, they're the worst
There's peace in knowing
where we all belong
If bruised and lonely
spirits need be nursed
A family loves us even
when we're wrong
Accepts when we don't
do quite as we should
Forgives us, imperfections
understood
|
I
WOULD IT WERE
If knee-jerkers
could only see
Past
the forest to the tree
Progress
would much speedier be
And if
doom-sayers only could
See
the tree instead of the wood
Action
might be as it should
GOING
TO THE BIG SMOKE
'Though
I'm a country bumpkin
I'm
sure it doesn't show
I'm
visiting the city
In label
clothes, you know
I'll
have my Levi jeans on
Tick
cap. Doc Marten boots
I'll
show those city slickers
Who
wear nothing else but suits
I love
those hotel lobbies
So spacious
and so cool
I'll
only stare a little bit
And
I won't even drool
I'll
have to go exploring
Use
the lifts and prowl the halls
Peek
in through the open doors
Drive
cleaners up the walls
I'll
relax in my hotel room
With
chocolate bars and beer
Resorting
to the restaurant
When
that tiny fridge is clear
In the
dining room so fancy
I'll
sip the good house wine
Although
it tastes like vinegar
I'll
pronounce that it is fine
I'll
do the shops the next day
Try
weird cafe food
Buy
heaps of label bargains
Feeling
thrilled at looking shrewd
Although
I'm from the country
City
folks won't realise
I'll
seem sophisticated
'Cos
I'm so worldly-wise
ON KIWIS
AND AUSSIES
Outback
Aussie drovers
are not the only folk
Who
retell all their history
as a sort of non-stop joke
Who
love to rhyme and reminisce
of simple pleasures gone
But
I prefer to look at NOW
and that, I'll comment on
Here
in Kiwi Country,
we have our own tradition
Of knocking
back outspokeness
and people with a mission
It simply
isn't right to be,
a poppy standing tall
Sit
on the fence, don't rock the boat
and don't stick out at all
Bite
the bullet, she'll be right,
whinging isn't done
Except
when there's a payrise
but not for everyone
Weekend
days are holy days,
for followers of sport
Mow
the lawns and get indoors,
for moments tension-fraught
Those
Aussie teams will always try,
their darndest to look tough
But
all good Kiwi blokes know looks,
just won't be good enough
And
there's no question what to drink,
balling out the referee
Tins
of beer like 4X,
or Fosters cans maybe
Now as
for doing up your place,
when you decorate
Don't
hire any tradesmen,
Kiwis Dee-Eye-Why it, mate!
Or better
yet get someone,
to owe a thing or two
And
pay you back by sharing,
the boring bits with you
These
are true-blue Kiwi traits,
Auss-ish, I'll admit
Although
we're life-long rivals,
we're alike more than a bit
WAITRESS
WANTING WORK
I knocked
on the door and rattled the window
Let
me in, let me show I'm no ordin'ry bimbo
Hot-tempered
but keen
And
so's my routine
The
diners'll lap up my long-legged limbo
LOOKS
ARE DECEIVING
There's
a rollerblading lady
Whose
apparel says she's shady
But
she's eager and vivacious on those skates
Just
beware her pitcher-aiming
When
her temper needs restraining
Don't
go teasing her, she always takes the baits
"Mister,
may I take your order
On my
mini taperecoder?
I can
recommend the salad, it has style
It was
made with me in mind
When
I toss it, it's designed
And
the veges end like me: all in a pile"
TEMPTER
TEMPER
Don't
be saying you weren't warned
Tantrums
happen when I'm scorned
And
I heard that whispered comment so degrading
When
a woman works her butt off
Matters
not if she's in cut-offs
So get
ready to receive my just tirading
"Don't
be staring like ape creatures
At my
feminine-shaped features
Have
some manners if you've such a thing on tap"
"I can
juggle jugs of cider
Stop
my skating right beside yer
Drop
my bundle accidently in your lap"
LESSENING
LECHERY
While
skating between all the tables
Being
careful with somebody's plate
Holding
it high and one handed
Determined
I wouldn't be late...
Aware
of my reputation
For
service that's sloppy and slow
Wondering
how to improve it
Concentrating
on earning my dough...
One hand
isn't really enough when
I need
a free hand to fend
Off
lechers who ought to know better
Than
grabbing a workers' back end...
It's
hardly surprising, what happened
The
plate I was holding aloft
May
have been destined for someone
But
now it won't ever be scoffed...
Instead,
all its contents went flying
And
things hit the fan like they do
I skated
away with the lecher
And
gave him a private one-two...
No one
leers at me now, in public
My reputation
has risen a notch
I'm
known as the classy young waitress
Who
never lets anyone watch
CANDLELIGHT
DINING
There
was a young couple intent
On dinin'
'til ev'nin' was spent
In candlelight,
she
Seemed
all right, so he
Stopped
pretending that he was a gent
ESSENTIAL
OILS
Candles
placed in a pottery tent
Their
heat to some musk-oil went
The
couple each thought
The
other had wrought
An odour
that was heaven scent
TO
the U.S.A
You know
what? I am fed up with C & L
Anything
else in your lives? Do tell!
The
rest of the world cares not at all
Whether
or not, your Pres. does a fall
It's
time you voted in more females
At least
they know how to cover their tails!
Our
own Prime Minister, name of Jenny
Does
a great job (doesn't she get any?)
Leading
the opposition we have Helen
Women
CAN lead and they do it so well [grin!]
FITNESS
FAD
I 'd
rather be surfing but the gym is calling
Oh why
do I find exercise so appalling?
I only
do circuits while awaiting my daughter
She
does aerobics like the rest of us oughta
I just
suffer and strain to sculpt some muscle
The
whole thing is really a mind/matter tussle
It helps
me to cope with stress... a bit
When
the mirror shows someone so shapely and fit
SMOKE
FREE
Be a winner
not a loser
'Cos
a winner is a chooser
……So
let's all choose to be
SMOKE FREE !
There'll
ALWAYS be losers - could BE chick or bloke
Who
can't WAIT to light up, their VERY first smoke
They
THINK that the danger is ALL just a joke
They
THINK it's no worse than just DRINKing a coke
They
DON'T even care when the SMOKE makes them choke !
YES !
Now is the time
To join
in and rhyme
Be brave
and say I'M
SMOKE
FREE
But IF
you're a loser and YOU smoke a fag
You'll
ONLY be proving that YOU'RE a real drag
Your
BREATH'll be making the OTHER'S all gag
And
YOU will soon look like a WRINKLED old hag
'Cos
SMOKE-sucking miserable MOUTH muscles sag!
SPELLWRITE
Cyberspace
has changed the English word
Now
it's spelled just how it's heard
Should
anyone even care?
If everyone's
intent is clear?
All
spelling critiques should be deferred
LIFESTYLES
T'was
during summer, years ago
A family
moved on out
City
slickers they were then
That's
all they knew about
They
chose a valley in the hope that
De-stressing
was assured
They
only lived there after work
So never
were they cured
The big
oldfashioned farmhouse there
Looked
comfortable and cool
They
found out in the winter though
It wasn't
such a jewel
The land
around, a grassy field
A challenge
to the Mum
She
planned and planted gardens and
Developed
a green thumb
The grass,
it took the whole weekend
To mow
as they soon found
But
there was less and less of lawn
As gardens
filled the ground
So Saturday
and Sunday too
Dad
mowed the field in hope
He thought
one day there would be less
(City
slicker dope)
And Mum
would prune and hoe and weed
Around
her fledgling plants
Imagining
the day when she
Might
straighten up her stance
Time
passed, the gardens grew so much
More
space was recommended
The
boundary fence was shifted out
The
lawns and all extended
Then
Mum got on the internet
And
surfed and laughed and wrote
Dad
decided there and then
He'd
have a tethered goat
ACCOUNTANTS
There
once was a counter: Abacus
Who
never did take account-a-this:
When
you add-a the credit
You
gotta remove-a the debit
The whole counterpoint he did miss
Shakesperian Sonnet:
BEAUTY
The richness of our
world is truly seen
Each season as we marvel
year by year
Such colours as new
leaves of fresh spring green
And autumn auburns,
burning ochre cheer
The sombre contrast,
sleeping branch so bare
The brilliance of a
bough weighed down with white
For sunshine sends
the snow a sparkling glare
Which gentles to a
glitter in moonlight
Then pastel pretty
blossoms, others bright
I revel as their passion
heralds spring
And roses bloom, a
perfumed velvet sight
All unrestrained, a
heedless pleasure bring
That blissful sense
of beauty soaking in
Is sensuality essential
sin?
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