Make your own free website on

My bottom is ecstatic
And I will tell you why
'Cos though IT can make some noises
You'd not be wanting it to try

First I must extrapolate
The background to this joy
It's embarrassing, revealing
My addiction to a toy

I'm willing to admit it
I'm often to be found
Ensconced at my computer
Addicted and hide-bound

It's the sitting there for hours
That makes my poor bum ache
On a seat of moulded plastic
Always numb, never awake

Arising, getting off it
Is a form of tortury
As pins and needles bring new life
To my backside mortuary

So what did Christmas bring me
When Santa Claus got here?
A gas-levered, shock-absorbing
Tilting back and comfy chair!

My bottom is relieved now
Going down, getting back up
'Cos this chair is super-sonic
A  highly drole (-ick!) jack-up 

I've been offline a few dazed days 
It's made me act in some crazed ways 
Craving doggerel, needing to see 
What others wrote was driving me... 
Awfully close to insanity 

And then there's email [4 accounts] 
Letters amassing,  huge amounts 
All this from changing ISP
Hassles as I knew there'd be... 
Had to ditch my browsers [both] 
Lost my bookmarks /favourites  [oath] 

My temper, usually sweet and even 
Got lost because I felt so heathen! 
Without the net...out there it's hell! 
On net-access,  I'd daily dwell 
Each night I rang the @#!@# 'help' desk 
And made miniscule progress 

I wrote these lines relieving stress 
While I wrote I was a mess 
I hoped it wouldn't be too long 
Till I could share this addict 'song' 

And what d'you know, now I'm here! 
What a relief, I'll sit and stare 
Never mind the monitor glare
Happiness is  being where 
I've found a niche that fits to wear 
Mixed metaphors but I don't care! 
I'm thrilled to bits and full of cheer! 

    I hear there's water  on the moon 
    Now please don't think that I'm a loon 
    As a  settler I'd go soon 
    To be  in space I'd almost swoon 
    (As long as I could still access 
     Cyber space, I'd go, I guess)

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest one of all?
Forgot the password, got the 'hint'
Which helped me not: I'm dense as flint
My password I just can't recall

Mirror mirror on the wall
Remind me to write passwords all
On paper with a plain old pen
 That perhaps, will help me when
 My memory banks next do a stall


I enter a bubble, forget any trouble
Lured by this magical sphere
URLs form the walls and imaginary malls
Virtual life is enchantingly near
In this insular world, basic essence unfurled
Taking time that I really can't spare
There I will be, what you want to see
Then mystically disappear
On venturing out, reponsibilities shout
- Reality is all too clear


A mouse, so they teach yer: convenient creature
It nibbles away on the screen 
Just point it and tap, on its left back flap 
New sites keep a mouse really keen
Now you can get by, on  keys can rely
If only you know shortcut codes 
But THIS mouse clicking Ms. is no shortcut whizz
One mouse down and nothing uploads :-(


What is a toy? I ask myself
Then one of myselves replies
"It's an item with which you play"
(I'm  schitztionary in disguise)

If that's the definition
Then I still have a toy
My very own computer
My dearest pride and joy 


Send me a message to where I am
Send me an email, not a telegram
Send an electronic note
Through your pc modem throat
Send me an email, yes, a stellar-gram


If you find for your jokes there's no   call
And you can't get published at all
For the joker in you
With laughs that are new
There's always the URL wall


In summer I sweat
Avoid the sun
If I forget
I'll be 'well-done'

In autumn I shiver
Watch rain that pours
The window's a river:
I stay indoors

In winter I freeze
If not inside
Get cold and sneeze
So: fireside

In spring the air
Has allergens
My nose won't clear:
Medicinal gins