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PEOPLE'S PECULIARITIES


 BATHTIME

The bath is a most delightful place
to wallow
The warmth relaxes body, then face
will follow
I happily lie for hours there-in
the hollow
Luxury: water up to my chin
-don't swallow-



ALLERGY ALERT

Runny eyes and runny noses, they are bad
Blocked-up sinuses are equally as sad 
But to someone not afflicted
Sufferers just seem addicted
To their pills and this allergy -Gee!- fad

Some immune people are so unaware
They behave as if they really couldn't care
When their friends and family
Suffer so from allergy
"The symptom's in your head" they justly? jeer
 
 



CARTOONS

    Why is it we watch those cartoons?
    What is it about those buffoons?
            They over-act and they're dumb
            But we end up unglum
    And we sing or we hum their trite tunes
 

    The characters are often drawn
    So simply, the artist we'd scorn
              But the hero is still
              Somehow able to fill
    Our requirements with superfluous brawn

    Each evening to armchairs we waddle
     A cartoon can't be a role model 
               So we laugh at a crook
               And forget how we look
     As we wallow in this wishful twaddle
 

    And what of the great story line?
   Any over-used plot will be fine
               Retell any tale
               Even beyond the pail
    To regurgitation we seem to incline


Gift Buying
 Shopping for presents in the hot summer glare
There is so much to do but where to start? Where? 
So many  choices but none can compare 
With the ones I imagined I would find there 
Do you have this problem of planning so clear? 
Only to find there is nothing like it or near? 
So you wander around in a shopping daze and in fear 
That you'll never find anything for  family this year 
And finally settle, after a half hour stare 
On  something that no one would ever wear 
Like a set of socks in an unmatching pair 
Or else a book on some boring career 
But I really must stop grizzling and feeling severe 
I'll have another chocolate and sip Christmas 'cheer' 
A chocolate and some Bing Crosby 'White Christmas'flair 
That ought to banish the blues to the rear 


TAKE AWAYS
Ah, take-aways : any will do 
Just so long as I don't have to... 
...Cook a meal for my hungry crew 

Oh, how I hate peeling and slicing
And I abhor chopping and dicing 
I also hate frying and grilling 
Even roasting is so very unthrilling 

But ready-made food,  yes indeed!
I don't care about taste when I feed
'Though I gulp my food down with speed 
You can't accuse me of greed

Eating's a chore, that's what I say
Eating food is what keeps me away 
From my pc after work each day


UNLIMITED USES

Don't give me a razor
For my chin or my nape
The best hair removal
Starts with duct tape

Stick it on quickly
Don't stop to think
Rip it off even faster :
As quick as a wink

The tears in your eyes 
And the blood curdling scream
Will soon be forgotten
With anaesthetic cream

No hair-growth for weeks
No bristles return
When you rip out the roots
And ignore the skin burn

But if smooth-skinned is how
You wish to appear
Duct tape's not the answer :
It removes skin with the hair !


       DUCT TAPE REVERED

Out-dated, yet it retains a fan

The bandage still used by a "Man"

Vintage and almost collectable

Wrappable armour, tough but flexible

A sliver of metal that protects

And has qualities logic rejects

(Being both silver and yet sensible)

Idolised? Not incomprehensible !



Haircuts
Here's a tale about my son
Who grew his hair long, just for fun

It got longer, with ringlet swirls
(It's red and tends to make cute curls)
He let it get down near his chin 
It flopped in his eyes, hid his grin 

Because he couldn't play like that 
He went everywhere in a hat 
I tried to cut a shorter style 
But the result wiped off his smile 

We'll have to pay a professional 
And there my sins, confess, I will
The hairdresser will say "Tut tut!"
"It took me years to learn to cut"

 

GOING TO THE BIG SMOKE

'Though I'm a country bumpkin
I'm sure it doesn't show
I'm visiting the city
In label clothes, you know

I'll have my Levi jeans on
Tick cap. Doc Marten boots
I'll show those city slickers
Who wear nothing else but suits

I love those hotel lobbies
So spacious and so cool
I'll only stare a little bit
And I won't even drool

I'll have to go exploring
Use the lifts and prowl the halls
Peek in through the open doors
Drive cleaners up the walls

I'll relax in my hotel room
With chocolate bars and beer
Resorting to the restaurant
When that tiny fridge is clear

In the dining room so fancy
I'll sip the good house wine
Although it tastes like vinegar
I'll pronounce that it is fine

I'll do the shops the next day
Try weird cafe food
Buy heaps of label bargains
Feeling thrilled at looking shrewd

Although I'm from the country
City folks won't realise
I'll seem sophisticated
'Cos I'm so worldly-wise


JUST A THOUGHT

Should we ditch our PM for a President perhaps?

Oops! not THAT word, it brings on a collapse-
-In U.S. Americans, I just remembered

(You ought to vote to have him dismembered)


Do you remember this?
I thought we would see Clinton's life on the net
But it won't be today, on that you can bet
They hinted about it but then said 'Not yet'
The days of our lives in here aren't as wet

I was wrong about the L. files when I said
We wouldn't see them soon: Gossipers will be fed
Every ugly, juicy detail for all to see
I wonder what the Pres. has done recently?


TO the U.S.A 

You know what? I am fed up with C & L 
Anything else in your lives? Do tell! 
The rest of the world cares not at all 
Whether your Pres. stays or does a fall 
It's time you voted in more females 
At least they know how to cover their tails! 
Our Prime Minister, name of Jenny 
Does a great job (doesn't she get any?)
Leading the opposition we have Helen 
Women CAN lead and they do it so well [grin!]



           FITNESS FAD

I don't want to stop surfing but the gym is calling

Oh why do I go when I find exercise appalling?

I only do circuits 'cos I'm awaiting my daughter 

She does aerobics like the rest of us oughta

I just suffer and strain to sculpt some muscle

I used to do paperwork while she did the hussle

It helps me cope with stress...well it does, a bit

Especially when the mirror reflects someone so fit


  SMOKE FREE
Be a winner not a loser
'Cos a winner is a chooser
……So let's all choose to be
          SMOKE FREE !

There'll ALWAYS be losers - could BE chick or bloke
Who can't WAIT to light up, their VERY first smoke
They THINK that the danger is ALL just a joke
They THINK it's no worse than just DRINKing a coke
They DON'T even care when the SMOKE makes them choke !

YES ! Now is the time 
To join in and rhyme
Be brave and say I'M
SMOKE FREE

But IF you're a loser and YOU smoke a fag
You'll ONLY be proving that YOU'RE a real drag
Your BREATH'll be making the OTHER'S all gag
And YOU will soon look like a WRINKLED old hag
'Cos SMOKE-sucking miserable MOUTH muscles sag!



               SPELLWRITE

Cyberspace has changed the English word
Now it's spelled just how it's heard
And should anyone even care?
So long as the writer's intent is clear?
I move spelling critiques forever deferred



 
 

ACCOUNTANTS

There once was a counter: Abacus
Who never did take account-a-this:
When you add-a the credit
You gotta remove-a the debit
The whole counterpoint he did miss


SUMMER FRUIT
   There's nothing quite like a Black Doris plum
   It's big and juicy and dark crimson
   It fits inside a curving hand
   It drips so much, to eat you stand
   You need to lean on a forward slant
   (Unless you want to stain your pant)
    But whatever eating style you choose
    It must be better than winter stews
 

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