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Poor Toys

When we was kids, we was so poor
We didn't get no toys.
We just played wiv what we found
Like lotsa uvva boys.

For a truck we useta use a brick
Pushin' it along the ground.
Makin' roads where e'r it went
In the gravel round and round.

Me bruvver Jim had a wooden block,
Wot was his motor car.
He drove it round and round tha track
Making motor noises -- graaa-aaa!!

Cousin Harold had a big long stick
Wot was his 'abo spear'.
An' every time Jim's car broke down
Harry speared 'im in the rear.

Sister Nell, fair bugger wot she woz
Would stuff up all our fun.
She'd wanta draw a hop-scotch game
Where our bulldozed roads'd run.

An'd then we'd start a mighty blue
An' Mum would take Nell's side,
An' we blokes'd head for the 'jungle'
An' wait till her temper died.

The greatest gift we ever had
Was our imaginations,
We fought in wars, we robbed the banks
And feared no other nations.

We don't begrudge the life we had
Or our ragged clothes of cotton,
The games we played are memories now
Our toys are not forgotten


 Poor Toys

I reccannize tha axcent
An' 'pree-she-ate the time
Wot musta bin put into
A poem so sublime

Lady D


       Scrabble, Scrabble, toil & babble --
       Triple Word Score!
       Make a big word -- seven letters?
       WOW, pick seven more!!

       Gin & Rummy, Old Maid, War --
       Played with fifty-two.
       Spades & diamonds, clubs & hearts --
       I want to play! Will you?

       Toys and games are lots of fun!
       Oh how I like to play!!
       If only given half a chance
       I'd play both night and day!!



Toys! Who needs them scattered 'round the house?
By children blessed with scarce the brains of a louse?
And, just before these lines begin to test yer,
I confess to blame, as I'm their grand ancestor!

The toys of girls are usually fairly harmless
But those of boys can leave you leg- and arm-less.
You trip on trains and cars and lions and guns
And wish your own kids never engendered sons.

But, then, sometimes they tidy up their mess,
Encouraged by some threats and some duress,
And quietly sit and look as if they've found
Some pearls of wisdom in what you expound.

Cleverly, they brainwash you again
To thinking each is, after all, a friend;
"Beg your pardon?" heard, instead of "Wot?"
If you believe it, you're a flamin' clot!

There's light, however, at the tunnel's end
As time goes by and youngsters' manners mend,
The elder grandkids getting slightly human
So, pleasurably, le fantôme ceases fumin'.

le fantôme amical

Toys Are:

What is a toy? I ask myself
And then myself replies
"Something with which you play"
(I'm a dictionary in disguise)

If that's the definition
Then I still have a toy
My very own computer
My dearest pride and joy

Bea YawzELLEff

my compoooter toy

I have a wittle toy
It's called a compoooter
and evewytime it cwashes
I call woto-wooter

they won't flush it down the dwain
so I make it feel better
but the compoooter only guwgles
and it just gets wetter and wetter

der bwumers


Much to my consternation
and the frantic frenzy of my wife,
our adolescent teenage son
wants to drive around the rest of his life!

We try to tell him a car is NOT a *toy*,
but he just says we don't know
how it is to be a boy
and have to be perpetually on the go!

Boss of the Door


I find them in the bathroom
I find them in the hall
I find them under furniture
And up against the wall

I find them in the beds
I find them on the stairs
I find them on the window sill
Alone or put in pairs

I find them on the couch
I find them on the deck
They're taking over all our house
They're loved so what the heck!

There's lions and there's tigers
An elephant or two
A zebra and a penguin
It's what you'd call a zoo

There's monkeys and there's cats
There's koalas, kangaroos
There's Humphrey Bear and Barney
And Donald Duck in shoes

There's dolphins and a leopard
A seal, a buzzy bee
A parrot and some rabbits
That want to hop on me

There's ostriches and emus
There's dogs and bears galore
All colours, shapes and sizes
And still we're buying more!

Some you squeeze to make them squeak
Some meow and chirp
Some go woof and scare me
And others seem to burp

There is no end to all these toys
They multiply like flies
I guess when there's no room for us -
We'll be taking to the skies.



When I was a kid..I had a little toy..
I soon discovered that it was made of soy!
My mother didn't know; my father couldn't tell..
But I didn't had a wonderful smell!

When Mama wasn't looking..I ate a chunk or two..
With chocolate it was great..I hid it in my shoe
When it disappeared, and I could eat no more..
I begged Mama to get me the store..

She looked at me really funny..and told me NO
But I had a tantrum..I really wanted to GO
She asked what happened to the one I had..
I shrunk in a ball..I must have looked quite sad

"It tastes good, Mama...I cannot tell a lie"
"I am a good little girl, but Mama..I'm a spy!"
You ate it? How can that be? That's really bad!
"Mama!! I didn't eat it!! It was my DAD!!!!"

der blumers


Funny how some children
Have such convenient tales
They have a story to explain
Whenever something fails



It isn't really true at all
That we outgrow our toys
Mums buy Barbies for their girls
Dads buy trains for boys

But who's most eager to unwrap?
That parent who is kissed
Longing to help play with it
To try out what was missed

Lady D

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