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      Oh wouldn't it be wonderful
      To be a government spy?
      To carry on a secret life
      Live dangerously or die

      Oh wouldn't it be awful
      To be a government spy?
      To often leave your family
      And tell them all a lie

      Oh wouldn't it be exciting
      To be a government spy?
      To carry out surveillance
      With a kind of xray eye

      Oh wouldn't it be disgusting
      To be a government spy?
      To poke around in rubbish bins
      In people's lives to pry

      Oh wouldn't it be fabulous
      To be a government spy?
      To pass on information
      Crack codes that tell you why

      Oh wouldn't it be alarming
      To be a government spy?
      To find democracy is futile
      And anarchy is nigh

      Oh wouldn't it be fantastic
      To be a government spy?
      To be a martial arts expert
      And make the baddies cry

      Oh wouldn't it be ghastly
      To be a government spy?
      To be a schitzophrenic
      Instead of simply I?

      Lady D


      I think I most despise da spies
      Who always watch da gals and guys
      Who write down all da things we do
      So they can tell da boss on you.

      Bernie G

 The Most Furtive Spy

      Were I inclined to be a spy
      I think I'd like to be a fly
      I could fly up on any wall
      To see, to hear, and then TELL ALL


 I've always envied that James Bond
      And not because of the kicks
      I'd love to get my hands on some
      Fancy spy type tricks


Mint Spies

       Little Miss Muffet
      Sat on a tuffet
      Eating MINCE PIES.
      Along came a spider
      And sat down beside 'er,
      Boris Karloff in disguise.

      (Those who are too young
      To know of Boris Karloff,
      Please don't ask me questions,
      Just something-or-other-off.)

      le fantôme amical


      Tip toe
      Soft go
      Open door up real slow
      Hoping no one starts speaking
      The kids are asleep

      Sarge O'malley of the F.I G.

      Some numbers and the alphabet
      Are all you need to spy
      You can be KGB
      CIA or FBI
      Or be the boss whose name is M
      In MI6, why not?
      Or be an agent, 007
      But careful, don't get shot


 More Mint Spies

      Peering through interstices within a wall, an eye
      Avariciously regards a steaming-hot mince pie.
      Emerging from behind the wall, the Knave of Hearts is seen
      Sneaking up to snatch the pie constructed by the Queen.

      But, quite unknown to him, she'd posted guards to catch the thief,
      Who, when he pleaded innocence, evinced great disbelief.
      The Queen, herself, was in the Court and, there, she did preside,
      "Prepare the gibbet," gibbered she, "It's time the felon died!"

      "His spying days are over, I'll have his thieving hide,
      And he'll regret that, on this day, upon my pie he spied."

      le fantôme amical

Spy Talk

      Wklvl vdvlp sohfl skhu
      Pdghw rvxlw dvlps ohvsb
      Brxph uhobw udqvs rvhoh wwhuv
      Ebqxp ehuso xvwku hhLfu b
      Zklfk vkrxo gvlps obpdn h
      Wklvp hvvdj hjrdz ub
      Exwmx vwlof dvhbr xjrsd vwC
      Brxqh hgwkh dfxph q
      Wrzud swkhd oskde hwdur xqg
      Dqgvw duwdw Ddjdl q


Spy Talk -- The Translation

      This is a simple cipher,
      Made to suit a simple spy;
      You merely transpose letters
      By number plus three, I cry.
      Which should simply make
      This message go awry.
      But, just in case you go past Z,
      You need the acumen
      To wrap the alphabet around
      And start at A again.


A Spy in my Yard!
      There's a Spy in my Yard!
      He's looking really hard..
      I wonder what he hopes to find..
      I hope he hasn't lost his mind!

      There's a Spy in my Yard!
      He's ugly, and he's very scarred..
      I wonder what he hopes to prove..
      I hope he isn't on the move..

      There's a Spy in my Car!
      He's smoking a big fat cigar!
      I hope he doesn't drive away..
      I need my car for work today..

      There's a Spy in my House!
      He thinks he's quiet as a mouse..
      But I can hear him..all the time
      I hope he cleans up all my grime

      There's a Spy in my Room!
      He's in that my broom!
      I hope he doesn't come too close
      He might step on my little toes..

      There's a Spy in my Bed!
      He's laying down by my head!
      I hope he stays right where he's at..
      I can hit him with this baseball bat!!

      der blumers

 Spy Talk
      I have this aging book called "Cloak and Cipher"
      By Dan Tyler Moore and Martha Waller,
      Published in U.K., when such things were rifer,
      In 1965 by the publishers that foller:
      George G. Harrop & Co.Ltd., known around the world,
      Your library should find it, with those facts unfurled.

      You quickly learn how code and cipher differ,
      How we broke theirs and they broke ours, last War;
      What got spies shot, when penalties weren't stiffer;
      Why easy ciphers ain't no use no more.
      A book, I say, on which to feast your eyes,
      If interested in the talk of spies.

      le f@#$%* a^+!&)