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sounds
 

Sounds of Conflict
 

       We are mad about Rugby Football here,
       On top of the world in the South,
       Where players are he-men with no body-armour
       Except for a guard in the mouth.
       (Unlike gridiron, where each has his face
       Masked as if for an orbit in space
       And his body all padded from shoulders to hocks
       To keep the poor little dear from hard knocks.)

       A footy game takes 80 minutes to play,
       With half-time of 10 minutes rest,
       And a few minutes injury-time at the end
       For those who were just too hardpressed.
       Le fantôme and Hilre like watching this game,
       Where none of the movements are ever the same,
       In front of TV, warm and cosy at home,
       Rather than umbrella over your dome.

       New Zealand possesses the world's greatest team,
       Called The All Blacks because of their suits,
       And many a boy has the ultimate dream
       Of being one of The All Blacks' recruits.
       In Sydney tonight we're playing Australia,
       And surely expecting no vestige of failure.
       The reason for this is historical truth,
       They beat us last year, now they're for it, forsooth!

       I'm sending this in a half-hour before
       The footy match starts there in Oz,
       Which means, if we don't win, I won't have to tell
       But, then, if we do, I'll give you a yell.
 
 
 
 

       le fantôme amical
 
 
 
 

  Speaking of sounds...
 

       Speaking as a newly married
       seems I've discovered sounds galore,
       from kicking free of covers
       to the ever present snore.

       And when he makes the coffee
       that's a sound that I adore,
       but now and then I must admit
       there are some that I abhor.

       One that I might mention
       is not for the faint of heart
       but it's the unabashed sound
       of the reverberating fart!!!!!

       Seems to be a "man" thing, most certainly.
       It also fills his sons' with joyous glee.
       But one thing the boys haven't learned in order to escape a zinger,
       it's never, never, never, pull Dad's finger.

       Me, I'm much more proper.
       Never would I be guilty of such a whopper.
       No, I'm so much more discreet.
       I belong to the "SBD" elite.
 

       pag
 
 
 

 Speaking of Sounds...
 

       If flatulence besets you
       And your stadards sink down lower,
       Beware the match that turns your body
       Into a flamethrower.

       The Secret Shadow
 
 

Influenza
 

       LadyD and husband, Paul,
       Caught the flu, as I recall,
       And she, by her own admission,
       Stoically accepted her condition.
       However, speaking of her spouse,
       She said he's lurking 'round the house
       Snuffling, grizzling, right to left,
       As though of wits he were bereft.
       But I know her and I know him
       And think her view unfairly grim.

       And how does SOUND come into this?
       Well, they are its antithesis.

       le fantôme amical
 
 
 

  LONG-SUFFERING SPOUSES
 

       The sigh of a person who suffers
       From viruses such as the cold
       Is wearying quite as much as
       The virus (or so I am told)
 

       Bea YawzELLEff
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

       There's sounds and sounds as we all know
       And others filled with buoys
       Some sounds are music to our ears
       Others we call noise

       Troubadour
 
 

Buoys and ghouls.
 

      Sound minded buoys
      Sound minded ghouls
      Adrift upon the ocean
      The bouys ding ding
      The ghouls wail
      And cause a great commotion
      Oh bring me sound
      Back to the sound
      From whence I sailed in yore
      With body sound
      And mind that's sounder
      Than it was before
      The whales sound
      And swim around
      The sound that I remember
      So sound the sound
      Of my home sound
      In freezing cold December

      figsome
 
 

 Noise Free Zone (mens' mouths)
 

      Zounds! Too many sounds on your computer;
      Methinks you have over-reactions!
      Consider the Milford and Marlborough Sounds,
      Which constitute tourist attractions!

      By the sound of it you haven't heard
      That keyboards have soft or hard clicks
      And you can obtain a nice soft-clicking one,
      If you lay out a few spondulix.

      I'm sorry your C drive is troubled
      To call it unsound would be scandal;
      The problem with hard drives usually is
      The nut on the end of the handle.
 

      le fantôme amical
 
 
 
 

NOISE FREE ZONE
 

      Computers come equipped with various sounds
      Most of which I usually leave off
      My preference for websites is midi-free
      And I wish the C drive wouldn't cough
      It hums and it whirrs, there are times when it screams
      I wish for a noise-free zone
      The keyboard could do with less tap-tapping too
      But it seems it annoys me alone
      Otherwise I am sure some PC inventor
      Could have muffled the sounds easily
      The price wouldn't matter if there was less clatter
      Nothing good ever comes to us free
 
 

      Lady D
 
 

Re: NOISE FREE ZONE
 

      Women come equipped with sounds
      The bray like donkeys, bark like hounds
      Especially when they're turned on
      I like them with their midis off
      I hate it when they smoke and cough
      Especially when I'm turned on
      I wish that silly sex inventer
      Had put a control at her centre
      A knob marked "VOL CONTROL"
      Or better yet on every witch
      A great big shiny "MUTING SWITCH"
      One like that is my goal

      fig
 

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