A nice cheese sauce is what you need
When you feel all full of greed
It covers any tastelessness
And turns mistakes to meals of bliss
The Sorceror and the Witch
A saucy sorceror sat in sauce
I don't know why he did, of course
I think because of his divorce
A thing that witch of his did force
That spicy sauce soon multiplied
It spread around him, there he spied
Chillies, gherkins, onion fried
"I hate this sauce", he loudly cried
"This isn't what I did expect
When my wife and I did not connect
I knew she shouldn't join that sect
Her favours then they did collect"
"I'll caste a spell", he then did frown
"I'll send this sauce to bog them down
Some mud and herbs to turn it brown
Will have them skating out of town"
That muddy sauce he then did send
It had them hopping round the bend
On his merry way, he then did wend
To find himself another saucy friend.
SOURCE of Pleasure
Le fantôme has bought a computer!
(This will make three that he's got).
The price-tag is $5000.00 (N.Z)
Or two-six-five-o, an American said.
He thought that he should have a lap-top,
A Travelmate 512T
With 4 gigabytes on the hard disk,
And 64 k memory.
Fifty-six k modem built-in
And 24-speed CD-Rom,
Built-in speakers, as well as a track-ball,
This Acer should not be a bomb!
Speed is three-sixty-six mhz,
(Puts old Pentium 200 to shame)
Untold video RAM and colours
And Win 98 for le fantôme to tame!
Of course, he will keep the old Pentium,
And dispose of an aged 486,
A DX with 400 mb disk, 12 k of RAM,
And a 14400 k modem built-in,
No CD nor other smart tricks.
Does that make me 'le fantôme impertinent',
The saucy phantom, who troubles your dreams?
Remember he's also the amiable one,
So please suppress somnolent screams.
(Just trying to stay with the themes.)
le fantôme-vaniteux amical
SOURCE of Pleasure2
A source of pleasure to you
seems something less to a certain wacker.
I heard it on the news,
a whole new concept of a hacker.
Seems she lost her patience,
lost her wits about her too.
Tired of all her husbands chats,
and his cyber-girlfriend zoo.
She asked him one last time to stop,
he said she was a chit.
So she found a brand new, shiney axe
and hacked that thing to bits.
A Saucy Miss
Mary had a little lamb
With lovely green mint sauce
She had it roasted in a pan
With tatees too of course
Double, double, toil and trouble
In the cauldron boil and bubble
Liquid spells of sorcery
Remove the nether sores, you see.
(e.g. Home brew -- phew!)
le fantôme-sorcier amical
say tewmaatoe, I say toemawtoe
While speaking with a Kiwi friend,
whose dialect I did enjoy,
I detected similarities of a New England blend,
a couple I'll try to employ.
One word in particular I pronounce saw,
and for me, it's always rhymed with haw.
But in her tongue, 'saw' became 'sar',
amazingly rhyming with 'har'.
So now, I wonder, if indeed
the sauce herein is really 'sarce'.
How is this pronunciation really keyed?
Would sauce rhyme 'toss', or 'farce'?
say tewmaatoe, I say toemawtoe 2
I could tap out sauce and source
In morse, without remorse,
Except I have a paucity of force,
When tapping morse.
Haw, haw, I say, haw, haw,
I understand that's four.
If you hear us speak badly
You will shudder
And likely run off screaming to yer mudder.
le fantôme-orateur amical
I see this theme has et cetera,
Opening up a broad field,
Including the source of a river
And the sores too much sitting doth yield.
le fantôme-enflammé amical
Lady D, when served some meat
Smothered in pallid gravy
Launched a probing investigation
And declared it wasn't savory
"This gives me goosebumps" shivered she
"'Tis but a paltry dish
If I eat off-white drumsticks
I'd prefer a legged fish!"
Where upon her guesting Troubadour
Took a closer look
Mislead by lumps of roux sauce
He proclaimed "Just see that chook!"
His eyes were staring, not at
Poultry or salamander
Which shows what's sauce for the goose
Can be a source for a gander!
What do you do for a finishing touch
When cooking up a storm?
Why, you should add a hot mustard
- For ham that is the norm
But if the food you have is sweet
It's dessert you do adorn
Will you still choose to use mustard?
The eaters you should warn!
A sassy sorcerer of course
Must try to find the source of sauce
Of course he pours it on his horse
Then lets it run the desert cross
The horse of course, but not the sauce
Which fertilizes sphagnum moss
That when the monsoon blows across
Makes yummy sphagnum horsey sauce
The cause of sauce is not the horse
But sauce that pours on sphagnum moss
And loss of sauce of course is forced
By sorcerers most curious
Larry A. Tilander
RETURN TO THE ARCHIVES MENU
RETURN TO THE POET'S PORTALoo