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Mail man corrected.
      Mmmmm, mail sounds a lot like male
      Politic'ly not good
      Compound that up to mail man
      And change it, yes we should
      But what the dickens can we say
      The whole thing not to worsen?
      I know, we'll call the idiot
      The stupid person person

      figger it out.

Toot, Toot, Tootsy

      There was an old knight in this tale,
      Who tried out the pyramid-sale.
      It seemed very fit
      That he should do it
      For the knight was right into chain-mail.

      le fantôme amical

Letter from France

      I got a little letter
      I got it in the mail
      It had the most surprising things
      "twas written by a snail

      Travelled all the way from France
      Those words from escargot
      It said I must beware today
      Or I'd be served a blow

      It said I should be careful
      That didn't make me better
      It said that I should be aware
      Of what's in the French letter


 To be or who to be

      New email addresses
      Can have such great names
      And dreaming them up
      Is one of my games

      To set up new websites
      And messageboards too
      Remaining anon
      I need quite a few

      L D

Toot, Toot Tootsy ....

      Watch for the email,
      I'll never female,
      If you don' get a letter then
      You'll know I'm in jee-ail.

      Al Jolson

No Mail Today

       No mail today
       Post Man has gone away
       The box outside is broke
       He's gone out for a Coke

       No mail today
       I don't know what to say
       Perhaps the mail forgot
       Perhaps it's gone to pot

       No mail today
       The mice are out to play
       The damage has been done
       The pests are on the run

       No mail today
       My future's lookin' gray
       The Post Man is on strike
       Looks like he took a hike

       No mail today
       I guess it's gone astray
       I'm standing on my deck
       Just waiting for my check

       No mail today's a holiday!
       That explains my empty box
       But surely not the rocks

       In times like these I'm glad I have email
       (signed...a blonde female..)

       der blumers

Cow E-Mail

       I've heard, and I believe it's true
       That cows talk electronically
       What they send must be called E-Moo
       I tell you quite sardonically


 Cow E-mail

       This E-Moo brings to mind
       Some other piquant notions,
       Such as one, with upset tum,
       Sending you E-motions.

       Male bovines sending letters
       With E-bullience;
       Hills and valleys E-choing,
       Sunshine by E-ffulgence.

       Ladies' hair-dos by E-clipse,
       Science by E-lement,
       Send yourself on holiday
       By use of E-ncampment.

       E-ndearments sent by lovers
       E-nnoblements by kings,
       Occurrences caused by E-vents
       And night by E-venings.

       le boeuf amical

There was a cow who had chained mail
       A-glinting in the sun
       She found it heavy going though
       Mail / male, either one


Lost mail.

       I wrote a letter to my love
       And on the way I lost it
       A copper got his hands on it
       And now I'm on the docket
       Seems it looked like stalking, and
       An undesired affection
       Now I have time on my hands
       She's under full protection


Lost Male

       My name is Giffig and I love
       He didn't know it,
       Though his letter
       Got me this safe-house.

       Whenever now I think of him,
       I wonder "Was it stalking?
       Or is he always
       Shooting off his mouth
       With endless talking?"

       One day soon I'll leave this place,
       Forsaking cops' protection;
       Then I feel
       We'll meet at last
       And consummate affection.