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HASSLES
 
 
 
 

A MOUSE IS A MOUSE OF COUSE OF COUSE (TU COWS)
 

      A mouse is, so they teach yer, a convenient creature
      Nibbling away on the screen
      Point it and tap on its left back flap
      For new sites a mouse is so keen

      Now you can get by, on keyboard keys can rely
      If only you know shortcut codes
      But THIS mouse clicking Ms. is no shortcut whizz
      Her mouse goes down and nothing uploads
 

      Lady D
 

           Re: Have you ripped out its ball and given it a scrub?
 
 

Hassles are Hassles
 

      Hassles are relative
      To where you're at
      Some are a nuisance
      Like feeding the cat

      Some are so serious
      Losing a life
      Some are imaginary
      Visions of strife

      Today we have hassles
      Changing the house
      While others are moaning
      At changing a mouse

      No matter what
      Or wherever you be
      Hassles are hassles
      For you and me

      slug
 
 

Hassles are Hassles
 

      As with computers, hassles with house
      Are usually caused by yourself;
      What was wrong with your house before?
      It had a loo and a shelf.
      I've eaten off the floor of your house
      On various occasions.
      The crumbs from last time would have fed
      A host of U.S. of A-sians.

  le fantôme oncle
 
 

What doth a Hassle Be?
 

      Oh what, pray tell, is a hassle?
      ..I haven't heard that word in years!
      Oh what, pray tell, is a hassle?
      ..something to have with those beers?

      I've got worries and woes..
      ..fantasies and foes..
      ..fingers and toes...
      ..crazy ebbs and floes...
      ..tomatoes, potatoes,...
      ..washed down with Strohs...
      ..enough to make one comatose..

      Oh what doth a hassle be?
      ..Please make this clear to me!
      Somehow I just do not see..
      ..beyond that bottle in front of me..

      But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me..
      ..than a frontal lobotomy!! (hic)
 
 

      der blumers
 
 

What was that, again?
 

      And so I sit and scratch my head,
      puzzling how to rhyme hassle.
      I'd rather a different word instead,
      this one gives the english in me quite a rassle.*

      (*cowboy for wrestle)
 

      pag
 
 

Slug Bait!
 

      I've been hassling with the snails
      And hassling with the slugs
      They ate my little brocc'li plants
      I got the silly mugs
 
 

      slug
 
 

   Interbreeding Hassles

      Cassock had a little lamb,
      It's fleas was quite athletic,
      And I believe the way they bit
      Poor Cassock was pathetic.

      One followed her to school one day,
      Which broke the rules, you see.
      It made the children laugh and bray,
      That damned athletic flea.

      Now, Hassle had another pet,
      A ten-foot crocodile,
      Which showed a glittering set of teeth
      Within a ghastly smile.

      It followed him to school one day,
      Something that's not allowed,
      And all the children ran away,
      A very brainy crowd.

      This left Cassock in a tree,
      Beyond where Croc. disported,
      And Hassle there beside her,
      Flea-bitten face distorted.

      Well, there they sat upon a branch
      Throughout a moonlit night;
      The heat that they engendered
      Nearly set the branch alight.

      In later years they married,
      Hassle wedded unto Cassock,
      And then they had a baby,
      Whom they designated Hassock.

      le fantôme amical
 
 
 

Replies:
      Re: Inter-breeding Hassles and hassocks and socks (the figerator)
      Re: Inter-breeding Hassles (der blumers)
 
 
 

 Some hassles are worth it
 

      A rose by any other name
      Would still be just as thorny
      The beauty of a rose can't be
      Described in verses corny
      And scratches from a winter's task
      Pruning a fierce cane
      Cannot spoil the thought of blooms...
      Memories never wane
 

      Lady D
 
 

And some hassles aren't
 

      My wife grows roses, dozens of the things;
      Great, trailing stems across a concrete wall;
      Others tied to stakes and like fixings;
      And all have this in common, that evil will befall
      The innocent and kindly, who dare to pass too near,
      As every stem's bedizened with the seeds of misadventure,
      Rows and rows of thorny fangs, belike a white shark's denture.

      So, when le fantôme amical goes out to mow the grass,
      He's lucky if the roses fail to stab him in the seat.
 

      le fantôme amical
 

Some hassles are worth it
 

      Girls are trouble it's terribly true
      But if they acted like men then what would we do?
      You're kept on your toes when they change their mind
      Much better than stuck in the same old grind
      And clothes designers would all close down
      We'd soon be reduced to uniform brown
      Homes wouldn't be real homes at all
      But more like a pigsty or horse's stall
      I can live with explosions of temper and whinges
      With panic attacks and crying binges
      As long as the hassles are all outweighed
      By smiles and style and nothing too staid

Troubadour
 
 

 Re: Some hassles are worth it, maybe (effigy)
 
 

 What Rhymes With Hassle?
 

      I suppose bubonic plague
      Has erstwhile made the mass ill
      But, these days, I'm inclined to doubt
      That it will be a hassle.

      (However, if there's bodies all around,
      Perhaps the gas'll.)

      If you decorate your clothes,
      As any comely lass'll
      You may find your fat behind
      Embellished by a tassel.

      That exhausts the rhymes we have
      For hassle - that's no loss -
      We can't rhyme castle with it here
      Beneath the Southern Cross.

      Funny how the kindly folk,
      Who leave their paw-marks here,
      Speak the same, except they don't,
      But all think beer is beer!

      le fantôme du château
 
 

 The Castle of Hassle
 

      Hassle, Hassle
      Just build me a castle
      High above the stars..
      Away from all the cars..

      Hassle, Hassle
      Up to my tassle..
      Fly me to the moon..
      (maybe next June)

      Hassle, Hassle
      You know what methinks?
      Here in this castle
      It stinks.
 

      der blumers
 

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