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      I'm feeling so awed, yes I'm really floored
      Saw a pussy cat walk without paws
      The sight I abhored, the fact I applaud
      But it walked so where are the flaws?

      Lady D-for-Duh

Floored on the Lawn

      I remember back some years
      Twenty something, that is right
      We had a party, many friends
      About 200, what a night

      I staggered out onto the road
      A car came by, a galant guy
      Saved my life, pushed me away
      Forgot his name..I can't deny

      Then later on, I staggered out
      Collapsed, yes, floored on the front lawn
      I'm sure if someone hadn't come
      I would have stayed there until dawn

      Then diving flares were set alight
      The phosphorus got into some eyes
      Washing eyes is what I did
      Not my own, these are not lies

      In all, we all enjoyed ourselves
      Now who was there, I just don't know
      I have a book that they all signed
      Means nothing now, too long ago

      Next day at work, now comes to mind
      Al said "We didn't know the number -
      'Til we saw her on the front lawn!
      In a sluggish drunken slumber!"


Floor Ride

       I balanced myself on a skateboard
       And went for a ride on the floor;
       Tripped over and knocked all my teeth out -
       Don't need fluoride any more.

       le fantôme amical


       Most people have the odd little flaw
       But I am perfect: I don't
       The hardest part of perfection is
       Acting all humble : I won't !

       Lady D

      GET THIS ONE!!!  BELIEVE ME (perfigt one)

Don't Believe Me

       Of all things bright and beautiful,
       Of all things great and small,
       Of all things wise and wonderful,
       I'm the most modest of them all.

       tom-tom fanny

  Birdseed on the Floor

       Birdseed on the floor
       Birdseed by the door
       Everyday there's more
       's not against the law

       Billy flaps his wings
       Then he softly sings
       Next his bell he pings
       Gives it lots of dings

       Hoping not to bump
       On the floor with thump
       Blackie's heart goes pump
       Gives the cage a whump

       Billy tumbles down
       Doesn't break his crown
       Gives the cat a frown
       Wishes it would drown



       Floors should be on my conscience
       Looking down is really rough
       Seeing the dirt awaiting a mop
       But not really caring enough...
       I SHOULD take the time to do the job
       Swob and slop and dry and buff
       But there's always something I'd rather do
       Then forget and don't care a stuff


 New Philosophy

       There was a time so long before
       when I was two and twenty
       I felt the need to clean my floors
       and clean them I did plenty.

       Age has granted me thankful wisdom
       pointing out the flaw with this philosophy.
       I've so much to do that's much more fun
       so I now just clean quarterly.


 There's a Flaw in my Floor!!

      There's a Flaw in my Floor
      It goes all the way to my door
      It's a sight to abhor's bordering on gore
      Stupid Flaw in my Floor!
      It's rotten to the core..
      I don't like it any more
      I trip on it..and get sore
      Yukky Flaw in my Floor!
      How can anyone adore..
      ..imperfections galore
      I would LOVE to ignore
      Awful Flaw in my Floor!
      The carpet is tore..
      Can't go to store
      Can't move to shore..

      Can't change my decor
      It might as well snore
      It sure is a bore..

      der blumers

Tere's a Flaw in my Floor!

      Aha! Der blumers unter der pinafore,
      Here's a chance for me to score
      A few points that I missed before,
      When tripping around her rotten floor.
      I would have sworn but I forebore,
      When that flaw made me footsore.
      It's something that I can't ignore;
      I surely don't want an encore.

      Now, I'm not sticking in my oar
      To cause you any great uproar
      So let your fond thoughts upwards soar
      As usually heretofore;
      And, if this poem you deplore,
      I shall be downcast, therefore.

      der Gespenst amical

There's a FLOOR with a FLAW!

      There's a Floor with a Flaw..
      ..and it looks really raw..
      It was the shape of a claw.. least that's what I saw
      Silly Floor with a Flaw
      ..I stand here and guffaw..
      My kitten plays with its paw..
      ..It's learning how to draw
      On the Floor with a Flaw..
      We all drink with a straw..
      ..while baby's going "da da da"
      Oh no! Baby's crawling into the Flaw!


      der blumers


      Floors, and flaws, faloahs, flows
      And other effin' things
      The sounds of them get muddled up
      That's what an accent brings
      These accents can cause accidents
      Flaw covering ain't good
      Don't want just carpet on my floor
      Not underlaid with wood
      Faloah is a floor to some
      To others it's a flaw
      Or maybe flow,oh don't you know
      If you're from Arkansas


 f ^ x

      The floor of the flaming felucca was frightfully filthy;
      The first mate forbade fo'c's'le fellows too freely to foul
      All of the atmosphere floating around the felucca
      With phantastic phonemes befitted to frightening a fowl.

      le fffantôme épuisé (effete)


      I climbed a staircase into the air
      And came to a landing, I know not where,
      But everybody on that floor
      Was fast asleep, I heard them snore.

      When I banged the nearest portal,
      'Twas opened by a surly mortal
      Who saw through me, since I'm a ghost,
      And slammed the door, like no real host.

      "Aha! " I said "I'll haunt your slumber
      If you don't tell me this floor's number."
      Passing through the wall I heard
      Him whisper "It's the twentythird."

      I said "I'd thought about a score
      But now perceive it is three more.
      I need to know, before I jump,
      Just how high up I'm in this dump."

      I then leapt through the outer wall
      And floated downwards in free fall,
      And thought, as in descent I soared,
      "My figuring best not be flawed."

      The reason for my fear was sound
      Because, if I had hit the ground,
      I may have pierced the earth to Spain
      And found rain on the plain again.

      But, if my calculations fit,
      Just short of ground was where I'd flit.
      Pedestrians, there, took just one look
      Then shrieked and to their heels betook.

      I dunno why the people's faith
      Is not invested in a wraith;
      You'd think they'd seen what they feared most
      Encountering the friendly ghost.

      Amiable am I, wishing them no harm,
      Carrying my head sometimes beneath my arm;
      Why, then, fear me, as I float above the floor,
      A smile from beside my hip coming to the fore?

      le fantôme amical