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Just Desserts and Puddings

Pavlova at the Farm

       I wanted to make a pavlova
       Eight eggs' wot I needed for that
       I went to the hen house to get them
       But then I tripped over the cat

       The egg whites went all on my forehead
       The cat was now licking its coat
       Eight yolks it had sliming all over
       And joining in fast was the goat

       With egg on my face I remembered
       The reason I went to get eggs
       With egg dripping right down my body
       The goat was now licking my legs

       "Get lost!" I said kicking his butt in
       "Maaaa Maaaaa!" he said, butting my butt
       I fell on the cat and the egg yolks
       "Yeeeowwww!" screeched the ungrateful mutt

       I stood up so shaky and wobbly
       Pavlova still teasing my mind
       I'd lost all the eggs from the hen house
       I really felt stuck in a bind

       I prayed and prayed for a miracle
       Then sun shone above and below
       A flutter of wings and some plopping
       "Here's eggs for you" smiled a huge crow

       I turned those eggs into pavlova
       I went to get "cream" from the cow
       An accident then did befall me
       Tripped over the stupid old sow!

       The sow slurped the cream while I bellowed
       "Pavlova, pavlova come back!
       I think I'll just have a fruit salad
       I really got on the wrong track!"


  Just desserts

       I love icecream, white and cool
       It tastes best all melting (drool)
       Rich and creamy on my tongue
       Shivery chilling on my lung
       Then that ache in my forehead
       Maybe icecream is horrid

       Lady D

  Oooey Gooey

       Oooey gooey chocolate pudding
       Ice cream, chocolate sauce on top
       Looking down, what do I see
       A great big flabby belly flop


RE Ooey Gooey

       I was putting a pudding for later
       I was plopping it down in my shirt
       'Twas a munch I was really deserving
       You could say it was my just dessert
       So I placed the old custard concealed
       In a fold, in an old paper cup
       With the snack in the crack of my bosum
       I did say my good-byes and stand up
       I was nearly right out of the building
       When I sudden remembered my purse
       So I went back, and when up I picked it
       The pudding went slipping, oh curse
       I ran for the door like a racehorse
       With the custard all slush in my shirt
       The door, please, the door, didn't make it
       Of course I was wearing a skirt
       So plop on the floor goes the custard
       In front of some important folks
       While I'm putting miles behind me
       The butt, I am sure, of some jokes
       From now on I'm eating my head off
       And not stashing food in my shirt
       For never again in my lifetime
       Do I want that sad just dessert


Ooey Gooey

       I once made some wine out of figs.
       The discarded sludge from the brew
       Would certainly qualify here
       As some of the sloppiest goo.

       The wine, however was tasty
       And, if you drank like a pig,
       Your attitude after a bottle
       Would be "I don't care a fig!"

       la figue délicieuse

  Up the Duff

       After I had joined the Foreign Legion,
       They sent me to a distant desert fort;
       We were well-fed, with nice desserts for dinner;
       I've got my just deserts, I gladly thought.

       I often had a slice of roly-poly
       And, other times, a tapioca pud,
       Occasionally a plum-duff graced my plate
       Or chocolate pudding - that was very good.

       The aftermath of this is fairly striking,
       Rotundity is now a growing art,
       Wherefor I had to leave the Foreign Legion
       And give up afters, lest I hurt my heart.

       le fantôme-légionnaire amical

      Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
      Eating his pudding and pie
      He stuck in his thumb before trying his tongue
      And then succumbed with a sigh


 The Pudding Goes On

      I had a little pudding
      I stuck it in my mouth
      And then I had a second thought
      Of what it does down south

      My first dumb thought comprised of this
      "If I don't eat it, what a waste!"
      My second thought comprised of this
      "If I do eat it, what a waist!"

      So while this pudding mulled around
      My first and second thoughts did too
      Tossing now from side to side
      What was my mouth about to do?

      Spit it out? or masticate?
      Swallow it and then regret?
      Digest it all, or bring it up?
      What would it do, this wide outlet?

      The pudding now had turned to pulp
      And I was on the verge of hell
      I wished I'd never put it in
      I gave a most disturbing yell

      And when I yelled the pudding flew
      Across the room against the wall
      It covered everything in sight
      Went through the kitchen, down the hall

      How will I ever clean it up?
      No pudding will I ever eat
      My thoughts can argue all they like
      Now all this mess has got me beat

      I scrubbed and scrubbed for days on end
      The house was spotless as can be
      The energy used to clean it up
      Reduced my waist successfully

      So then......

      I had a little pudding
      I stuck it in my mouth
      And then I had a second thought
      Of what it does down south.........


Everything About Food

       Reading of female bodies,
       All spattered with mashed eggs and cream,
       Causes one's gorge to rise, out of control,
       So it's clear we deserve a fresh theme.

       The result of the vision that now befalls is
       Uncontrollable reversed peristalsis.

       le fantôme dégoûté