Pavlova at the Farm
I wanted to make a pavlova
Eight eggs' wot I needed for that
I went to the hen house to get them
But then I tripped over the cat
The egg whites went all on my forehead
The cat was now licking its coat
Eight yolks it had sliming all over
And joining in fast was the goat
With egg on my face I remembered
The reason I went to get eggs
With egg dripping right down my body
The goat was now licking my legs
"Get lost!" I said kicking his butt in
"Maaaa Maaaaa!" he said, butting my butt
I fell on the cat and the egg yolks
"Yeeeowwww!" screeched the ungrateful mutt
I stood up so shaky and wobbly
Pavlova still teasing my mind
I'd lost all the eggs from the hen house
I really felt stuck in a bind
I prayed and prayed for a miracle
Then sun shone above and below
A flutter of wings and some plopping
"Here's eggs for you" smiled a huge crow
I turned those eggs into pavlova
I went to get "cream" from the cow
An accident then did befall me
Tripped over the stupid old sow!
The sow slurped the cream while I bellowed
"Pavlova, pavlova come back!
I think I'll just have a fruit salad
I really got on the wrong track!"
slug
Just desserts
I love icecream, white and cool
It tastes best all melting (drool)
Rich and creamy on my tongue
Shivery chilling on my lung
Then that ache in my forehead
Maybe icecream is horrid
Lady D
Oooey Gooey
Oooey gooey chocolate pudding
Ice cream, chocolate sauce on top
Looking down, what do I see
A great big flabby belly flop
slug
RE Ooey Gooey
I was putting a pudding for later
I was plopping it down in my shirt
'Twas a munch I was really deserving
You could say it was my just dessert
So I placed the old custard concealed
In a fold, in an old paper cup
With the snack in the crack of my bosum
I did say my good-byes and stand up
I was nearly right out of the building
When I sudden remembered my purse
So I went back, and when up I picked it
The pudding went slipping, oh curse
I ran for the door like a racehorse
With the custard all slush in my shirt
The door, please, the door, didn't make it
Of course I was wearing a skirt
So plop on the floor goes the custard
In front of some important folks
While I'm putting miles behind me
The butt, I am sure, of some jokes
From now on I'm eating my head off
And not stashing food in my shirt
For never again in my lifetime
Do I want that sad just dessert
fig
Ooey Gooey
I once made some wine out of figs.
The discarded sludge from the brew
Would certainly qualify here
As some of the sloppiest goo.
The wine, however was tasty
And, if you drank like a pig,
Your attitude after a bottle
Would be "I don't care a fig!"
la figue délicieuse
Up the Duff
After I had joined the Foreign Legion,
They sent me to a distant desert fort;
We were well-fed, with nice desserts for dinner;
I've got my just deserts, I gladly thought.
I often had a slice of roly-poly
And, other times, a tapioca pud,
Occasionally a plum-duff graced my plate
Or chocolate pudding - that was very good.
The aftermath of this is fairly striking,
Rotundity is now a growing art,
Wherefor I had to leave the Foreign Legion
And give up afters, lest I hurt my heart.
le fantôme-légionnaire amical
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his pudding and pie
He stuck in his thumb before trying his tongue
And then succumbed with a sigh
Troubadour
The Pudding Goes On
I had a little pudding
I stuck it in my mouth
And then I had a second thought
Of what it does down south
My first dumb thought comprised of this
"If I don't eat it, what a waste!"
My second thought comprised of this
"If I do eat it, what a waist!"
So while this pudding mulled around
My first and second thoughts did too
Tossing now from side to side
What was my mouth about to do?
Spit it out? or masticate?
Swallow it and then regret?
Digest it all, or bring it up?
What would it do, this wide outlet?
The pudding now had turned to pulp
And I was on the verge of hell
I wished I'd never put it in
I gave a most disturbing yell
And when I yelled the pudding flew
Across the room against the wall
It covered everything in sight
Went through the kitchen, down the hall
How will I ever clean it up?
No pudding will I ever eat
My thoughts can argue all they like
Now all this mess has got me beat
I scrubbed and scrubbed for days on end
The house was spotless as can be
The energy used to clean it up
Reduced my waist successfully
So then......
I had a little pudding
I stuck it in my mouth
And then I had a second thought
Of what it does down south.........
slug
Everything About Food
Reading of female bodies,
All spattered with mashed eggs and cream,
Causes one's gorge to rise, out of control,
So it's clear we deserve a fresh theme.
The result of the vision that now befalls is
Uncontrollable reversed peristalsis.
le fantôme dégoûté
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