The little puppy's whining 'cause he wants a little play
He wants to splash around a bit, has so much fun that way
I called him Fido first of all then changed his name to Nick
The way he licks and chews my shoes, it really gets my wick
He likes a scratch behind the ears and on his belly too
When he grows up into a dog, I don't know what I'll do
I think he'll be gigantic like a massive St. Bernard
Or maybe like a Great Dane, that would really hit me hard
He'll eat me out of house and home, the supermarket too
A super duper pooper scooper's right on the menu
A cute wee pup no question, for attention he does pine
Enough to get me stumbling for my early evening wine.
The champagne was hard to use,
For there was no corkscrew handy.
When he substituted booze,
Someone whined about the brandy.
Said the host, "Your mind is small,
But I hope you get my drift:
Alcohol's still alcohol,
Whether guzzled, sipped or sniffed.
Surely anything you drink
Will just leave you in a stupor.
Now be quiet, or we'll think
That you're just a party-pooper."
Whine and Roses
Is the cup half empty, half full
Is it a legitimate whine, or just bull
One man's meat is another man's poison
We take to what some causes joys and,
Whine like a teapot, whining hot and full
Whine like a radial, feel a little pull
Whine like a puppy dog that wants another cookie
Whine like a racing fan that wants to call his bookie
Me, I look around and I see there those worse off
Yeah, my shoes are getting old, I have a little cough
Luckily I still have feet, don't have tuberculosis
Don't take time to whine too much, just stop and smell the roses
No Use Crying Over Spilt Wine
Oh my goodness, oh my God I just spilt wine upon the keys!
That's enough to send me quivering, praying on my knees
"Please save my keyboard won't you? Let me type another word"
Was that "Yes" you said or "No no no", I'm not sure what I heard
Got a tissue and I poked it down to mop up all the drips
With a skewer as a poker but the tissue turned to rips
Then paper maché started forming underneath my keys
Sticking them all wined together, oh my gosh, oh jeez
Was I whining? Yes I was! I caught myself just doing that
It's only a computer, just that I would miss a chat
Talking with my friends who I have never met before
Next time I get a bottle I will watch just where I pour!
Remember the merry ring of registers in the stores
The coins, ca-ching, ca-ching, a-tumblin' in the drawers
And now it's na-yeeep, na-yeeep, the printers drone and whine
Compared to which sound ca-ching is happier every time
Oh gimme the older days, of bangin' 'em shut spring doors
The smells how they all mixed in, them good old gen'ral stores
Yer nails and tack and beans, the yard goods, jeans, the pies
Them spirally sticky things, way up to catch the flies
Them creaky old hardwood floors, I miss the way they squawk
Sometimes it almost seemed them noisy floors could talk
And Heavens if they could, oh gosh what would they say
Who ran up bills for what, who never quite did pay
How many were wrote off, and credit gave once more
Where charity was born, my hometown gen'ral store
Where candies cost a nickle, except some kids were poor
They got them for a penny, sometime got three or more
But times move on I guess, and progress is the thing
But I still miss that sound, and wish for one ca-ching
It's Christmas day, like every year I'll spend it all in hiding
As countless people prowl about in search of figgy pudding
Why can't they eat of sluggy soup, or onions fried up hot
What is the special quality that sweet sweet figgy got
What a Day!!!
We got up Christmas morning and we skipped our breakfast first
We opened up the presents, that was really such a burst
We started cooking dinner, opened up the sparkling wine
And started drinking glasses, then, before we got to dine
Now on my empty tummy, all the bubbles in my head
I made distorted judgements of the recipe I read
I put the grated cheese into the carrots' orange glaze
And orange rind into the white sauce in my tipsy haze
I had to tip them out and start again from the beginning
But by the time the dinner came I found that I was winning
Then after dinner, both of us collapsed to have a sleep
While both our kids were playing 'round their parents in a heap
Their Nana gone back to her flat and resting in her chair
She had a headache and I think this day was hard to bear
Then later, both of us revived, we got out the dessert
Pavlova, brandy snaps and cream, I loosened off my skirt
We finished off the sparkling wine, and got the coffee out
A most exhausting Christmas Day we had without a doubt!
What a Day !!
On Christmas Day we drove our car
To Hamilton (N.Z.)
And, there, we went to Rex's place,
Where we were duly fed.
Some cold glazed ham and salads,
Tomato, lettuce and egg,
Drenched in tasty mayonnaise,
With wine, not by the keg !
This was the perfect summer lunch,
Enjoyed by Rex and Jo,
Her parents, us and three grandkids
For an hour or so.
We also had pavlova with
Strawberries and ice-cream,
Of all desserts at Christmastime,
Pavlova reigns supreme.
Before we ate, we also had
The presents to undo
Amongst a lot of gaiety
And children's hullabaloo.
Afterwards the afternoon
Quickly passed away
And soon we drove back home again
Just forty miles away.
le fantôme amical
What a Day!
On Christmas Day I spent the morn
Preparing lots of roasts
In between the sips of wine
And making Christmas toasts
The country way to celebrate
Means glazed cold ham as well
But roasted chicken, lamb and pork
Were cooked and tasted swell
We made mint sauce and gravy
We boiled fresh dug spuds
We roasted taties too of course
...and then there were the puds...
Pavlova covered in whipped cream
Figgy pudding too
Fruit salad and some icecream
And jelly Christmas hue
I tried my best to eat some
Each one, a little bit
But I was feeling squeamish
And my stomach had a fit
Having a Whine
"What a day!" I said collapsing on the couch and couldn't budge
The drains were blocked, the sewer sank and in the driveway, smelly sludge
A drainman came with camera, inserted it right up the line
"The cost is megabucks" he said, "I'm really glad the bill's not mine!"
"B-but surely we don't bear the cost? The drain is in the road!" I said
And as he said "You do!" I felt this awful pain come in my head
Then as I turned my head to see the sewer upside down on screen
The water running topsy turvy, sight that I had never seen
My daughter shouted down the drive, "Someone is on the phone for you!"
"I'll have to go!" I turned and rushed and wondered how we'd flush the loo
So here I sit, upon the couch with wine in hand and feeling low
Wondering if we do not fix the leak where all the sludge will go.
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