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CHRISTMAS PRESENT
My bottom is ecstatic
And I will tell you why
'Cos though IT can make some noises
You'd not be wanting it to try

First I must extrapolate
The background to this joy
It's embarrassing, revealing
My addiction to a toy

I'm willing to admit it
I'm often to be found
Ensconced at my computer
Addicted and hide-bound

It's the sitting there for hours
That makes my poor bum ache
On a seat of moulded plastic
Always numb, never awake

Arising, getting off it
Is a form of tortury
As pins and needles bring new life
To my backside mortuary

So what did Christmas bring me
When Santa Claus got here?
A gas-levered, shock-absorbing
Tilting back and comfy chair!

My bottom is relieved now
Going down, getting back up
'Cos this chair is super-sonic
A  highly drole (-ick!) jack-up

GOING MAC-ERS

I've got an iBook here with me
I want to train it now
But while I'm setting up the thing
It's training me in how

An iBook is a laptop Mac
The 'i' means Internet
And what makes iBooks great is that
Though cordless, you are set

An Apple laptop isn't bad
With 'Virtual PC' help
Yes, I am finding MacIntosh
Is gathering my scalp

WITHDRAWAL SYMTOMS

I've been offline a few dazed days 
It's made me act in some crazed ways 
Craving doggerel, needing to see 
What others wrote was driving me... 
Awfully close to insanity 

And then there's email [4 accounts] 
Letters amassing,  huge amounts 
All this from changing ISP
Hassles as I knew there'd be... 
Had to ditch my browsers [both] 
Lost my bookmarks /favourites  [oath] 

My temper, usually sweet and even 
Got lost because I felt so heathen! 
Without the net...out there it's hell! 
On net-access,  I'd daily dwell 
Each night I rang the @#!@# 'help' desk 
And made miniscule progress 

I wrote these lines relieving stress 
While I wrote I was a mess 
I hoped it wouldn't be too long 
Till I could share this addict 'song' 

And what d'you know, now I'm here! 
What a relief, I'll sit and stare 
Never mind the monitor glare
Happiness is  being where 
I've found a niche that fits to wear 
Mixed metaphors but I don't care! 
I'm thrilled to bits and full of cheer! 

EXCUSES TO STAY AT THE PC

In summer I sweat
Avoid the sun
If I forget
I'll be 'well-done'

In autumn I shiver
Watch rain that pours
The window's a river:
I stay indoors

In winter I freeze
If not inside
Get cold and sneeze
So: fireside

In spring the air
Has allergens
My nose won't clear:
Medicinal gins

PASSWORDS

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest one of all?
Forgot the password, got the 'hint'
Which helped me not: I'm dense as flint
My password I just can't recall

Mirror mirror on the wall
Remind me to write passwords all
On paper with a plain old pen
 That perhaps, will help me when
 My memory banks next do a stall

BUBBLE HEADED

I enter a bubble, forget any trouble
Lured by this magical sphere
URLs form the walls and imaginary malls
Virtual life is enchantingly near
In this insular world, basic essence unfurled
Taking time that I really can't spare
There I will be, what you want to see
Then mystically disappear
On venturing out, reponsibilities shout
- Reality all too clear

SINK TANK

The net is like a swimming pool
Olympic size at least
By chlorine cookies in our cache
Our surfing pool's policed
Protecting us from elements
Like unseen hacker slime
And murky depths of copyright
They clear the pool of crime
Chlorine, strong arm of the law
Can bring tears to your eyes
So keep your head above water
Stay stealthy, wealthy and wise! 

MOUSE RELIANCE

A mouse, so they teach yer: convenient creature
It nibbles away on the screen 
Just point it and tap, on its left back flap 
New sites keep a mouse really keen

Now you can get by, on  keys can rely
If only you know shortcut codes 
But THIS mouse clicking Ms. is no shortcut whizz
One mouse down and nothing uploads :-(

SINK TANK

Life is like a swimming pool
Olympic size at least
By chlorine, scoops and filters
Our life-style pool's policed
Protecting us from elements
Like slippery surfaced slime
And murky depths of copyright
  They clear the pool of crime
Chlorine, strong arm of the law
Can bring tears to your eyes
So keep your head above water
Stay stealthy, wealthy and wise! 

  WEBSITES

If you find for your jokes there's no   call
And you can't get published at all
For the joker in you
With laughs that are new
There's always the URL wall

EMAILS

Send me a message to where I am
Send me an email, not a telegram
Send an electronic note
Through your pc modem throat
Send me an email, yes, a stellar-gram

MOON MAID
    I hear there's water  on the moon 
    Now please don't think that I'm a loon 
    As a  settler I'd go soon 
    To be  in space I'd almost swoon 
    (As long as I could still access
     Cyber space, I'd go, I guess)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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