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Here twirls dizzydeni
Middle age is fast approaching
Crinkly age lines are encroaching
Muscles sagging, tummy bulging
Even when you're not indulging

First my definition: MIDDLE AGE:
when you lose count somewhere in the forties

Below are funnies I found in cyberspace
They're bound to put a smile on your face

The way the Life Cycle should work....

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at the end of it?
A death.
What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way.

Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young,
You get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
You become a little baby, you go back into the womb,
You spend your last nine months floating...
and then you finish off as an orgasm.

as anti-aging positive thinking aids

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.


Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
 As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling
and you didn't do anything the night before.

Last Will and Testament:
 Being of sound mind, I spent all my money

Remember When ...
(in large print for those of you pretending you don't need glasses yet)

 A computer was something on TV
 from a science fiction show of note
 a window was something you hated to clean...
 And ram was the cousin of a goat....

 Meg was the name of my girlfriend
 and gig was a job for the nights
 now they all mean different things
 and that really mega bytes

 An application was for employment
 a program was a TV show
 a cursor used profanity
 a keyboard was a piano

 Memory was something that you lost with age
 a cd was a bank account
 and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
 you hoped nobody found out

 Compress was something you did to the garbage
 not something you did to a file
 and if you unzipped anything in public
 you'd be in jail for a while

 Log on was adding wood to the fire
 hard drive was a long trip on the road
 a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
 and a backup happened to your commode

 Cut you did with a pocket knife
 paste you did with glue
 a web was a spider's home
 and a virus was the flu

 I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
 and the memory in my head
 I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
 but when it happens they wish they were dead