are funnies I found in cyberspace
They're bound to put a smile on your face
The way the Life Cycle should work....
The most unfair thing
about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at the end of it?
What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an
old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young,
You get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
You become a little baby, you go back into the womb,
You spend your last nine months floating...
and then you finish off as an orgasm.
I drive way too
fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
FOR THE REALISTS:
Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old
when you wake up with that morning-after feeling
and you didn't do anything the night before.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound mind, I spent all my money
(in large print for those of you pretending you don't need glasses yet)
computer was something on TV
from a science fiction show of note
a window was something you hated to clean...
And ram was the cousin of a goat....
was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was a job for the nights
now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes
application was for employment
a program was a TV show
a cursor used profanity
a keyboard was a piano
was something that you lost with age
a cd was a bank account
and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you hoped nobody found out
was something you did to the garbage
not something you did to a file
and if you unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for a while
on was adding wood to the fire
hard drive was a long trip on the road
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and a backup happened to your commode
you did with a pocket knife
paste you did with glue
a web was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu
guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
and the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but when it happens they wish they were dead