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Below
are funnies I found in cyberspace
They're
bound to put a smile on your face
The way the Life Cycle should work....
The most unfair thing
about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at
the end of it?
A death.
What's that, a bonus?
I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an
old age home.
You get kicked out
when you're too young,
You get a gold watch,
you go to work.
You work forty years
until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, you get
ready for high school.
You go to grade school,
you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities,
You become a little
baby, you go back into the womb,
You spend your last
nine months floating...
and then you finish
off as an orgasm.
I drive way too
fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live
forever - so far so good.
AND
FOR THE REALISTS:
Mind like a steel
trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding
temptation.
As you grow
older, it will avoid you.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old
when you wake up with that morning-after feeling
and you didn't do
anything the night before.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound
mind, I spent all my money
Remember
When ...
(in
large print for those of you pretending you don't need glasses yet)
A
computer was something on TV
from
a science fiction show of note
a
window was something you hated to clean...
And
ram was the cousin of a goat....
Meg
was the name of my girlfriend
and
gig was a job for the nights
now
they all mean different things
and
that really mega bytes
An
application was for employment
a
program was a TV show
a
cursor used profanity
a
keyboard
was a piano
Memory
was something that you lost with age
a
cd was a bank account
and
if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you
hoped nobody found out
Compress
was something you did to the garbage
not
something you did to a file
and
if you unzipped anything in public
you'd
be in jail for a while
Log
on was adding wood to the fire
hard
drive was a long trip on the road
a
mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and
a backup happened to your commode
Cut
you did with a pocket knife
paste
you did with glue
a
web was a spider's home
and
a virus was the flu
I
guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
and
the memory in my head
I
hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but
when it happens they wish they were dead
